Burt's Bees Belly Balm
Here's how it scores so far.
1. Smell: 5 (of 5)
This is fragrance free, which is kind of cheating, but I'd rather have something neutral than something yucky. And for once, fragrance free means fragrance free. No smell at all.
2. Texture: 2 (of 5)
This is made out of natural oils and beeswax, good ingredients certainly, but they're not really a lotion. It comes in a palm-sized, flat tin, and you have to kind of swab your hand around in the balm until the oils and wax melt on your fingers, then grease up your belly (or wherever). It's kind of messy, and it takes me a long time to cover this new expanse of skin. Once it's on, it feels a little waxy, my shirt stuck to my skin a bit, which is also not a great feeling. I tried just rubbing the tin directly on my skin and it was a lot better- if they made this in a giant chapstick form, it would be much better.
3. Skin results: 8 (of 10)
I have to dock some points for the greasy/waxiness of the initial application, but once I woke up, my skin felt fantastic! Some internet reviewers credit this stuff from preventing stretch marks, and I can't speak to that claim yet, but everywhere I applied the balm was soft and not at all itchy.
So far so good, I like the results and the lack of perfumes, but the application hassle definitely makes this a before bed only balm. I'm going to keep searching for something I can use after my shower or even throw in my bag for mid-day itch relief.